October 18, 2009 @ 2:44 pm
Episode 122 : Goals
Buddhism goes on and on about not clinging, but our culture goes on and on about achieving your pre-set goals. Discuss.
Links mentioned:
- The post that got us talking about this, a piece by John Scalzi about a New York Times article by Tim Krieder.
- Forbes 100 most powerful women for 2009.
- Maureen Dowd’s piece about women’s plummeting happiness.
- By the way, that Harvard study where successful people who wrote down their goals is an urban myth.
- Elizabeth Gilbert’s TED talk.
- Take a minute and read all about Marie Curie!
Books mentioned:
- Malcom Gladwell answers some questions about his book, Outliers.
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Posted by Weed
October 19, 2009 @ 4:09 am
http://thenextweb.com/shareables/2009/10/18/comic-sans-diagram/
DOn’t worry, I haven’t had a chance to listen to the podcast YET but I will tonight!
Posted by Michael
October 19, 2009 @ 1:01 pm
I had a moment at the very beginning of the podcast when Gwen said, ” My life is good, but I’m afraid (something like that) that your life is better than mine.” You could have ended right there and I would have had enough value to last me a week or so. Brilliant. It sent me off into all sorts of musings about my own life as I teeter on the edge of 40. Some of the later stuff got me thinking too– I’m not one to freak out that my life is set in an unalterable course and I have to deal with lots of regrets– but that first bit opened a big door in my head wider than anything has in a while. Thanks.
Posted by dan2
October 20, 2009 @ 6:28 am
What’s everyone’s Myers Briggs results? INTJ here.
Posted by Daniel1979
October 20, 2009 @ 7:45 pm
ENTP here
Great topic. Hard to set a goal without it being a deadline for a bunch of us. I know when I set my personal definition of sucess years back it was “to be happy, healthy, relaxed and to make a living helping others to be that way” and to this day when I remember that and work for it I feel GREAT. The path sometimes looks wandering, massage therapist and army medic… and now army pilot, but I keep reminding the people who see me as aimless that not all who wander are lost.
The being defined at 40 thing… I’m just 30 so Im not sure. I kind of feel like we have the potential for radical change every moment. That may be more dynamic than I want EVERY moment, but constant evolution and growth sound healthy and easy enough to mantain.
Thanks guys
Posted by jeffinbrooklyn
October 21, 2009 @ 5:54 am
Gwen, I don’t think Patrick meant any disrespect to First Ladies, he was simply curious as to why YOU would want to marry the president rather than BE the president. Am I correct Patrick?
Posted by admin
October 21, 2009 @ 4:46 pm
Damn jeffinbrooklyn said it better than I could myself.
P
Posted by Bryan
October 24, 2009 @ 9:01 am
I don’t know what to say about this. For me it’s rather obvious, death is around the corner, so do the things you ENJOY, and be PRESENT. I don’t really have any goals. I want to live in other countries and speak at least one other language fluently, but those are more desires than goals. When I think of goals I think of a race, which makes me realize I don’t care if I win or lose, which makes me think I’d rather go sit down by that oak tree and smoke a joint while the others are still running. And when they reach the end what do they get, a ribbon? All that damn effort for a piece of cloth and some ‘recognition’.
But then again I’m only 19, so what do I know?
(and ‘p.s.’: great show as always, guys. something about these little half-hours always relaxes me)
Posted by dan2
November 2, 2009 @ 3:48 pm
I guess everyone was out trick-or-treating this weekend.
Posted by Mary
May 9, 2010 @ 9:03 pm
This episode is the first I’ve heard in your series. I loved this conversation! I wanted to join it. I’m 43. So many things I want to say: At 20, 30, and even 38, I didn’t care about wrinkles or gray hair (or whatever). It’s a feminist issue to love myself at all ages, with all the bodily manifestations of that age.
I’m a butch dyke, a feminist - and at 43 I am considering dying my hair, and find myself longing for my younger skin. So - clearly I’m succumbing to something, and whatever It is, I can assure you I’m not getting it from beauty magazines (don’t read ‘em) or TV (don’t watch it). It has less to do with wanting to look good, and more to do with wanting to be Relevant, Noticed, Believed, Respected. Things change when a woman’s hair turns gray.
Which leads me to say: people are complicated. There is no one in my life who is saying, “You aren’t as smart now that you have gray hair.” If there were, the decision about dying my hair would be simple. I wouldn’t do it, and I would have one less friend. But, I’ve discovered there are few true bad guys, just people acting. So, maybe I don’t dye my hair, and I become an example of an Older Smart Woman, living with / fighting the subtly different ways I’m treated. Or, maybe I dye my hair. People are complicated. I’m one of them.
About the Stuck at 40/50 Question: I am definitely not stuck. Having said that, just today I was on the phone with a friend who is leaving in a week to spend two months in South Africa. I have two children. I spent a moment desiring his life. Ok. It was more than a moment. But, still. The point(s): 1) I received something for the fact that I’m 43. I have 43 years of experiences that are amazing (and awful and weird, and all the adjectives I could recall). 2) This moment in my life is no less The Present than the moment I chose to become a parent, or the moment I didn’t choose to move to Brazil. What I do with Now is up to me. What I think about Now is totally within my control. And, 3) What I DO now is also totally within my control. If I wanted to, I, literally, could pack a bag right now, walk out of this apartment, and fly to South Africa. If I wanted to. And, I don’t. And, that’s what makes this choice to be here with these kids so good. I fully recognize it as a choice. This true freedom, which is complicated to recognize, is also the reason I am not stuck.
Finally, I completely understood G’s objection to P’s insistence she pick a woman who wasn’t attached to a famous man. I further object to the commenter who feels he/she has to *explain* to G what P meant, and I’m disappointed that P took that bait.
Sorry for the looong post. I really wanted to be there. And, I would love to talk about the deep vs. broad experience, but I’ll stop. Consider yourselves invited to dinner at my house anytime. In the meantime, I’ll be listening to more episodes.