December 24, 2009 @ 4:25 pm
Episode 129 : Names
A meandering stroll through what it means to give something a name and the possibilities of changing that name.
Links mentioned:
- A list of celebrities’ real names.
- Find out the history of your name.
- Tibetan Names. The tag line for this site is “Tibetan names for your dog, horse, cat, pet or child!”
- Some designers react to the new Aol logo.
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Posted by Dru.
December 25, 2009 @ 10:54 am
I got saddled with Wojdan (j is said like a y so it come out like toy) for a last name, presumable it also lost it’s ski coming over from Poland, but no one really knows. I could change it, but I’m not a band name so it doesn’t really matter; but it is helpful in that I can’t get confused with anyone else and if anyone calls me and butchers the pronunciation there’s a good chance there a cold-caller pushing something.
A while ago the word ‘welcome’ lost meaning for me. It just sounds strange to hear, it’s a pleasant enough looking word as words go, you see it on doormats and signs, but it just sounds odd to me.
Yeah, still the zune guy.
Posted by Michael
December 26, 2009 @ 9:38 pm
My last name is Tognarini (Northern Italian) and I really like it, but not because it sounds cool or Italian. However, I’m a freethinker and just to think my ancestry and found out that there’s a slim chance that I’ll be alive if one thing change. Also I would have changed my name if I was nine because kids use to call me Michael “Tug my weenie”.
Patrick’s Cool Names: Karr, Foxx, Fisher, Slayer, or Machiavelli.
Posted by dara
December 28, 2009 @ 1:58 pm
I took my husband’s last name. It wasn’t an upgrade or a downgrade - a lateral move, I guess. I countered the women who questioned why I was taking a man’s name with “Who’d you get your maiden name from? Your dad, right? Why are you keeping a man’s name?”
My mom always told me that my name, Dara, means “second” in gaelic. It’s a name that’s commonly given to the second born girl or boy in a family. When I actually looked up the word, I found out that it means “the other one.” As in, “here is our cherished first born, and there’s the other one.” Not as cool.
Posted by admin
December 28, 2009 @ 2:54 pm
In sixth grade, after my mom died, I took the maternal last name. I guess that puts me in a unique situation. I can’t see any compelling reason to ever change my name again. - G
Posted by Stratus
January 1, 2010 @ 9:37 am
it’s funny.. I think it must depend a lot on your social group or maybe age or something.. but with maybe 2 exceptions.. out of 11 or 12 couples, most of my married-couple friends, have both kept their own last names after getting married.
In 2 of those cases, the children have hyphenated surnames incorporating both mother’s and father’s - but in most cases, they’ve given their children the father’s surname for simplicity. And it’s not just a Canadian thing - of those couples.. 2 are british, 1 is greek, and one is Swedish/Argentinian
So.. with nearly everyone I know keeping their last name.. I’m a person who gets surprised and does the “oh.. ” pause when somebody DOES change their name at marriage.
Posted by Cheryl
January 2, 2010 @ 8:19 pm
I always swore I would never change my name if I got married. (Well, I swore I’d never get married and NEVER have kids, and well, life sometimes has surprises for you.) But when I did get married, it felt right for us to have the same last name. I had come to the conclusion that I could get married, have kids, and change my name all without losing my identity or my freedom.
Professionally, it was a little silly to change because we both teach at the same high school, and it often gets confusing - we get each other’s mail, phone calls, and even students sometimes.
The beauty of this modern age is that we have the freedom to choose. It seems a little unfair to suggest that a person change her name for business but judge her because she’s changing it for marriage.
Anyway, if I had the name Gwen Bell, there’s no way I would change it. When I first heard your name, I thought it had to be a stage name.
Posted by Seabass
January 5, 2010 @ 7:36 am
When I went to college, I started going by my middle name, Sebastian, instead of my first, Colin. Obviously everyone grows and develops in college, but for me, having changed my name, I feel that Sebastian (though everyone calls me Seabass) is a completely different person from the Colin from elementary through high school. Colin would never have joined the Peace Corps or done the PCP, but Sebastian did.
Likewise, when I was in the Peace Corps, Ali (my village name) was very different from the Sebastian who hung out with other volunteers. I find it interesting that all these different periods in my life have been punctuated by completely different names, and so they all feel like different identities to me. Actually, Seabass feels more like the amalgum of all these different experiential identities. Seabass has parts of Colin, Sebastian, and Ali. When I talk to old friends from high school I am always reminded that they are just talking to Colin, they don’t really know Seabass anymore. Kind of interesting to think about.
Posted by “Gelong Tashi” Gonpo (formerly Greg Richardson)
January 5, 2010 @ 8:13 am
Hi Gwen & Patrick!
So, Patrick, I’m the guy you referred to on the podcast.
I *loved* your point about people changing their names to be “extra-spiritual” which is essentially a hyped-up form of spiritual materialism. Your demi-call-out to me was right on the mark! I most-certainly have the all-too-often time when I get all uppity and on my high horse about my place in the spiritual community.
One point to notice though, is that Pema Chodron and I were both given the guidance to change our names from our teachers when we each took ordination. I don’t know if I would have changed it were it not for being told point-blank to do so. And, in the Tibetan tradition, we put a very high premium on faith/Guru Yoga (somewhat unlike Zen) so we really would unlikely contradict our teachers on something like this.
For one, I still keep the “(formerly Greg Richardson)” because I ordained as a monk only a few months ago and I wanted the arm’s-length connections (i.e., old work colleagues, etc….) I’m connected to on Facebook not to have to wonder how this guy in Tibetan clothing somehow got connected to them. I suppose I’ll drop it in a few more months.
Lastly, and much more to the point of your show, I’ve actually found that, by changing my name in the middle of my life, it’s actually *reduced* my sense of “me”, rather than heightening it. I have this sense of “nothing about me is really me, even my name”. In that way, it’s actually been a beautiful gift to really let me concrete sense of self get whacked (though as I concede openly that on my worse days I can use it as a means to prop myself up by some concocted idea of self-cherishing). Sorry for the massive missive.
Much love,
- “Gelong Tashi” Gonpo (formerly Greg Richardson) =)
Posted by Tim
January 5, 2010 @ 9:46 am
The wife and I got married a bit over six months ago and she decided to add my name to her name. It did not replace her maiden name nor does she hyphenated it, but just added it so she now has four “names” the First Middle Maiden Last (if that makes sense).
While we were dating we talked about the entire name thing, and I told her that I would not really care if she was to take my name or not; that sure as heck wasn’t any sort of deal-breaker for me. However both of us recognized the simple tradition of the wife taking the husband’s last name as well as the sort of unity it brings when starting a new family, especially when it comes to children. I think that is a relatively significant point, as well. A woman taking her husband’s name should not be viewed as some subservient action, but rather I think it may be wise to see it as an attempt to signify that they are now one unit as husband and wife. Of course it can be argued that changing a name is a silly way of showing that, but be it agreeable or not, it is obviously a traditional way of doing so.
Anyhow, the wife’s solution was to append my last name to her last name without a hyphen so, again, she essentially has two last names. Furthermore this was important for her because she is a published in academic journals and is a part of academia. As such she wants to maintain that connection to her previous last name so she is still searchable in journals for citations and so forth. There are practical reasons for a wife not to completely replace her last name.
As a side story, we have some good friends of ours where the wife did not change her name to her husband’s last name. It just so happened that her first name is the same as his last name, and she thought it would be sorta odd to have the same name both for a first and last name.
Finally I think Gwen Bell is a great name; to echo an above post it sounds so great it almost seems as if it was a stage name.
Posted by admin
January 5, 2010 @ 2:37 pm
Re: Gelong Tashi
Sorry to call you out so hard man. I see your point about changing your name as going some distance to shake the idea of a fixed self. It still makes me uncomfortable though. I think Greg Richardson is a nice name! We have to work with the materials we have, and part of me feels like starting over with a new name is kind of cheating.
Re: Seabass, I got the name Tarek in Morocco, and still answer to it. It does feel like some of the things I did there are only what Tarek would do, but that’s just another way of talking about how a person changes over time.
Re: Tim. If it’s a nice way to signify the union of husband and wife, why not take your wife’s name?
Interesting posts that have given me a lot to think about. Thanks everyone!
Patrick
Posted by “Gelong Tashi” Gonpo (formerly Greg Richardson)
January 6, 2010 @ 8:54 am
Re: Patrick No apologies necessary! I love the conversation and it was an opportunity to look at myself and investigate a pocket of self-cherishing, and that’s the very-most treasured gift I could ever have! I also get so sick of the presumptuousness of “the spiritual people”, and it was so wonderful to be aware of a little more of that fodder in myself to work through!!
Thanks again and much love to you guys.
Posted by imelda
February 25, 2010 @ 12:49 pm
Strikeout… that’s what the text style is called when you cross out a word.