January 14, 2008 @ 1:25 pm
Episode 45 : Kids
Wrestling with the choice to have kids or stay young, free, and selfish.
Links mentioned:
- Here’s the NYT review of the book that proposed that parents don’t have much influence on how their kids turn out.
- And an interesting breakdown of the data that show childless couples are happier.
- Gwen talks a bit about synthetic happiness, which is an idea championed by Dan Gilbert, and which you can watch a fantastic 20 minute presentation about at the TED talks site. Very Buddhist!
3 Comments »
RSS feed for comments on this post · TrackBack URI
Posted by Alex -S-
March 27, 2008 @ 10:41 pm
And it was right here i quit this podcats -to me there was a “Why have kids/ kids are stupid” vibe throughout the show - and hey, as a happy (YES -happy
parent of two “Nippers” i decided why the heck should i be listening any more
That and patricks music snobbery a couple of episodes before. god forbid we dont all like the same music.
Adios kids - have fun and maybe i’ll tune in again sometime down the line
Peace!
Posted by admin
March 27, 2008 @ 11:35 pm
That’s weird, cause I thought we came out very pro-kids in that show. As for the snobbery, yes, I was snobbish about music, but I don’t remember saying that you had to like my music or I had to like yours!
I respect you for stating what you disagree with and then not listening anymore, although we are always sad to see one of our dozen listeners leave us.
Take care,
Patrick
Posted by Bas
January 14, 2010 @ 3:50 pm
Hey Gwen and Patrick,
Just browsing through the old podcasts, and re listened this one. I think you are asking some very good questions that most of us never think of. I must agree for a little part that to me, the show was a bit anti kids, but that could be caused by me being a proud dad (and therefore pro-kids)
Recently I came to the insight that my kids are the true buddha masters. They give me great joy and bring out the best of me and a second later they can bring out the worst of me. But for them it’s all the same! They are as they are; themselves. And it’s them who are doing something wrong, it’s me, who reacts allergic to their behavior. And why? Because of my expectations? Of my beliefs? Of my personal history? Of my expectations? And as zen students, you will know: there is no history, there is no future, so be there here and now.
So now I ask myself: why do I react the way I do to my kids? And therefore my kids are my perfect trainers for being in the moment! It has boost by meditation practice by 200% Yes: sometimes I have less time to sit, but when I sit, it’s a better experience (for me).
Don’t get me wrong: I’m not a ‘ let go; all’s good’ parent. I set rules and boundaries, but because of their growth, not my personal ego or expectation.
Therefore I think the tired, stressed and suffering parents could be caused by themselves and not their kids. And if these parents will not be challenged by kids, then it could be it will be challenged at their work / family / etc etc? Don’t we all get the amount of suffering we deserve? (but then again: I’m no psychologist)
So my advice would be: don’t put too much weight on the question; if it feels good; it happens and if it doens’t feel good, then don’t do it.
Okay; to close out and to confirm prejudice: as dad I must say: It’s great! ;-))
Looking forward to your opinion!
Bas